People I want to Meet

So I've spent the last few days compiling a list of people I want to meet. By "meet" I mean hang out with and have a beer. And by "have a beer", I mean get really wasted and contemplate the meaning of life. And by "meaning of life", I mean watch Family Guy on TBS.


I noticed there are a lot of criminals and porn stars on this list. Maybe because I'm such a complete panty-waste myself, I want to see what it's like to hang out with a badass and still leave with my lunch money.


In no particular order (partial list).

Katie Morgan, Porn Star -  This chick just seems cool. I saw Zach and Miri Make a Porno the other night and aside from her and Jason Mewes teaching me the term "Dutch Rudder" (google that), the movie was a waste of time (good thing I was making banana bread at the time). She strikes me as the type of girl who would open beer with her teeth and then talk about how much she loved Goonies. She has a show on HBO where she talks about sex toys like she's on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Of course, being a guy, it would be interesting to chat with a porn star anyway to see what makes them tick, but most porn stars just seem like divas. 

Danny Trejo, Actor/Former Criminal - Nobody who knows me is surprised by this one. Sometimes I like to fantasize that I am a member of La Eme  and Danny "Pinche" Trejo looks like the Mexican Luca Brasi. He used to be an armed robber and went to prison for robbing a bank or something. He has actually been hired as a consultant on how to look like a real armed robber. (I once was hired as a consultant on how to look like someone who is really scared of spiders.) Trejo also is apparently a really nice guy. He still works as a drug counselor for kids and stuff which is more than I can say for Gary Busey.

Nick Nolte, Actor/Addict - I wanted to say Gary Busey here, but he would probably monopolize the conversation with talk about how the Moon is telling him to write the next great duck novel or something. Nolte would probably just make a grilled cheese sandwich and watch Hockey Night in Canada with me. Plus, Nolte does more drugs than Cracky Trackmark McMeth, the local drug-doer guy who everyone knows. Oh Cracky, you're such a silly. Once arrested for being under the influence of "date-rape drug" GHB, Nolte stated: "I've been taking it for years, and I've never been raped." BOOSH!


I'll keep updating this list as I feel like it. Not like anyone is reading this anyway.